Reverse Therapy for CFS/ME/FM

My experiences with Mickel Reverse Therapy.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Week 2 - aha...

I understood much more about the process of Mickel Reverse Therapy (RT) in my second session a couple of days ago. The non-events of the first weeks exercises helped the therapist explain to me the direction I should be going in. The 'ah ha' moment for me was realising that the messages that the body is telling me as symptoms is actually telling me, if I stop and get a good felt sense, that I want to do something else than I am doing, that I want to say something where I normally keep quiet. In one sense, I feel like I've been living a lie, a lot of the time, to my true-self (body) for many many years. Trying to control my life and do what seems 'best', instead of doing what seems right, or rather, true, to myself. Whilst day dreaming after the session I got jealous of 'hippy types' who don't care too much (or don't seem to) and live life, as they see fit. From an external perspective this can seem reckless or perhaps selfish - there's got to be a happy medium there somewhere.

The concept of keeping a greater eye on my feeling tones when my symptoms get worse is a challenge for me as I'm quite analytical in my nature, and its hard to not go into psychoanalytic mode when I stumble across a feeling I didn't realise I had. However, I shall try and try!

This week the therapist recommended I do things (to a lesser extent of course) that I love doing but haven't done for ages because of my illness - a slightly controversial statement - I'm not doing those things because the illness prevents them! However, the philosophy is to let the body (true self) build the confidence to believe it can do these things. I think its all to do with the process of getting me back to normality as much as I can within my current limitations, and that being a catalyst for my body to return to its normal self.

I'm writing in my RT 'diary' every day. I'm still not doing it 'right' as I can't seem to find the answers to the exercises, i.e. find out what the messages (symptoms) actually are trying to tell me. So, like last session, I'll get it 'wrong' (less wring this time though) for a couple of weeks and begin another iteration.

I am hopefully, but I do have doubt. Two years of suffering and trying so many things does put a dark cloud over me. RT makes sense, but I'm two weeks in and seen no positive effect on symptoms, and I fear that I just am unable to do the things that RT sets out to do. Either because my CFS sub-type doesn't fit RT, or my conditioning as a person makes it too difficult to carry out RT.

Negativity aside, I do want to work, and mostly believe in the theory. I tell myself if I try as hard as I can, then that is the best I can do.

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